Stories & Soliloquies

Stories & Soliloquies
    • Category: Essays

      • Sacramental Imagining Part 2

        Posted at 8:53 am by michellejoelle, on November 4, 2013

        I started this essay after meditating on my preference for writing and reading in environments that are beautiful, natural, majestic, cozy, and old – environments that have texture and history and meaning unto themselves, which smell like old books or pine needles in the rain, with light filtered through stained glass, or a large window overlooking trees or a stream. In the first part, I focused on my experience of writing as it is rooted in my physical surroundings.  In part two, I turn my attention to the potential consequences of experiencing writing in this way. 

        Part 2: The Reader

        If the writer brings more than just the literal story to the table, the reader does too. There’s a double texture born of a confluence of a writer’s experience and a reader’s.  The underlying texture of the words written or told can roughly intertwine with the wordless texture of the reader’s imagination to create something beyond what the words plainly state to access what they say, and not just what they say in general, but what they say to the reader.

        I imagine the reader’s thoughts as the tendril-like loops of the soft side of Velcro. They reach out and curl around the rough threads imparted by a writer as the story sinks its hooks into the reader, and temporarily binds the two together. At least, this is how I like to imagine it. When we put down a good book, we say we are “tearing” ourselves away.

        But I know that not everyone does this when they read, and that not all great writing is done in environments of great meaning or beauty, in which case it is likely that when I read, my own sentimentality comes crashing over the text like a sloppy, open-hearted tidal wave.  Or perhaps I am right and every writer does this whether they want to or not, and their surroundings leech into their writing and give it meaning even when it isn’t beautiful, granting the words something that affects me nevertheless.  In some cases, it is probably the very lack of sacramentality on the part of the writer that allows readers to take a work in their own ways – this could, in fact, be the very best kind of writing, for it imposes nothing upon the reader.

        On that score, I agree with Tolkien’s distaste for allegory. He explains that intentional allegory, in which a writer intends a particular message, the writer exacts a kind of tyranny over the reader and limits their interpretational possibilities. The same is true in non-fiction writing that has an agenda, or in philosophical writing that is manipulative rather than expository. It is certainly true that overly saturated writing can be prohibitive, or else come across as too thick with intention to leave us comfortable enough to have our own sacramental experience.

        But that doesn’t mean the tacit experiences of the writer and the reader have to be mutually exclusive, and I don’t think that meaning has to be subtextual to be authentic. Augustine, in his Confessions, expertly layers in metaphors of nature and wildlife that have no overt connection to the message of the text, and yet enhance the reading experience. Whether he did that on purpose or whether it bubbled to the surface on its own doesn’t really matter.

        Is there a way to have a transcendent experience of writing that doesn’t transgress on the reader? Harry Potter oozes the sentiment of its writer and traps its readers in such a totalizing way that people want to live in that world. I can’t see this as a bad thing. However, there are other works where this same trait turns manipulative, and leads readers to an obsessiveness that seems less than optimal. The difference, I think, is that one model invites readers to come in, with all of their baggage, and stay for a while. The other commands the reader’s attention and downplays the importance of what they have to bring to the table.

        What is the writer’s responsibility to the reader’s freedom? Should a story latch onto a reader’s consciousness and take it along for the ride, or merely offer suggestions for the reader to run with? When I write, I feel what I’m writing with my whole body. I enter the character, and I look around to see what’s there, what feels natural. And I can’t do that without taking my surroundings and all of my baggage with me. It’s reciprocal, and I don’t know if I could separate myself from if I tried. I think the trick is to let myself feel what I need to feel when I write, but not try to control what the reader feels, not demand that the reader feels what I feel.

        Of course, how a writer achieves that is another question. I’ll save that for another day.

        Posted in Essays | 3 Comments | Tagged reading, tolkien, writing
      • The Comforts of Reading

        Posted at 10:02 am by michellejoelle, on October 31, 2013

        I just read this post at Reflections of a Book Addict by guest poster Kelly Lauer; she sums up neatly why books are so comforting. This quote, in particular really gets to the heart of it:

        Books didn’t care if I didn’t know what the curse words meant.  Books didn’t care if I missed all the sub-context.  Books really didn’t care if I wore that neon green stegosaurus sweatshirt every freaking day.  Books don’t judge; people have the corner of the market on that one. And books were always there for me, because I was lucky enough to be surrounded by them and to be my mom’s daughter.

        I love this. Reading books is so important not just because they expand our minds, but because they do so gently, and without any pressure. I am a teacher, and I find great value in discussion, but it can often feel combative, or like a test. Books are patient, and willing to explain things to you over and over, and if in the end something is missed, there’s no shame. Lauer puts a point on why books can be so comforting, even when the material is uncomfortable. They give you a chance to face a challenge or problem without requiring that you are fully prepared to defend yourself or even to change something – not until you’re ready to, at least.

        Books let you feel at home in difference in a way that little else does.  They let you come and go and don’t mind telling you the same thing they told you the last time you came to visit.

        For all my love of books and reading, I spend a lot more time re-reading than I do picking up new books.  There are some obvious reasons – I like the comfort of revisiting a familiar world, getting new insights and details that I couldn’t have foreseen but which now seem so important given what I know of the ending.  But I think I actually prefer re-reading to reading the first time. Especially with non-fiction books, I sometimes find myself using the first read to create a scaffolding in my brain so that on the next time through, I can pick the bits I like and hang them where they fit best, so I can process everything, and try out new ideas. Then on a third read, I furiously redecorate everything until I get it all just right, and inevitably, I rummage around and find new things that I hadn’t originally had a place for, and the whole thing must be taken apart and the scaffolding rebuilt anew.

        I think I’ve read Plato’s Symposium at least twenty times in full, and have taught it nearly as many times.  I’ve read countless student papers on what the main message of text is, and yet, I still can’t decide if we’re meant to think the Beautiful is within our grasp, or if we’re all just the victims of a grotesque joke, like the poor split androgens in Aristophanes’ speech who think they’re happy when they find their other halves, but who have actually forgotten what they had wanted in the first place – to overthrow the gods, to get back to their cosmological parents. I think it must be the latter, as I’m sure I can read it another twenty times and never really know.

        But at least I have the comfort that the book will be there for me, should I have the urge to return and rummage around a bit more.

        Posted in Essays | 0 Comments | Tagged kelly lauer, reading
      • Sacramental Imagining Part 1

        Posted at 8:49 am by michellejoelle, on October 28, 2013

        I started this essay after meditating on my preference for writing and reading in environments that are beautiful, natural, majestic, cozy, and old – environments that have texture and history and meaning unto themselves, which smell like old books or pine needles in the rain, with light filtered through stained glass, or a large window overlooking trees or a stream.  There’s likely a significant amount of hygge involved.  Somewhere along the way, I found myself once again returning to the topic of a writer’s responsibility to a reader, and so I’ve decided to break this essay into two parts.  In this first part, I focus on my experience of writing as it is rooted in my physical surroundings.  In part two, I turn my attention to the potential consequences of experiencing writing in this way.

        Part 1: The Writer

        I’m not sure why it has taken me so long to realize this, but I most often get inspired to write at the most inconvenient times.  When I’m at a conference, listening to papers in an historic classroom.  When I’m wandering around on cobblestone streets in a beautiful city.  When I’m hiking by a waterfall in the woods.  When I’m waiting for a train on a rainy day and world feels sad and beautiful.  When I’m out with friends and I’ve just had a fascinating conversation and everything feels just right.  These are the moments when I feel most like writing, and am least prepared to do so.  When I’m at a desk, during work hours, and have all the time in the world, just about nothing comes to mind.

        And it’s always inconvenient, because I like my outdoors environment to be as rustic and un-manicured as possible, and my indoors time to be antique and historic, or else personalized and full of memories.  In short, I like to be in a space that is storied and rich with texture, as opposed to a clean and simple new space meant to limit overstimulation and distraction in favor of efficiency.  I like old things, artful messiness, overgrown gardens, and untouched landscapes.  I like the ruins of an old dock strewn over a tumult of rocks better than white sandy beaches, ancient and outdated libraries with cavernous halls better than sound proof study rooms, and an old chair with too many blankets by a drafty window than a temperature-controlled room with an ergonomic seat.  I read better, and I write better.  Ideas and images come to me here better than when I’m set up properly in a clean or conventional space.

        These are just my personal aesthetic preferences, but realizing how this attunement to my physical environment affects my literary imagination raises some questions about place and imagination that go beyond just my taste.  Reading and writing is supposedly an interior function, allowing us to see with our mind’s eye something utterly different than what is immediately around us.  We’re supposed to soar over our environment to another place by the sheer power of our imagination, guided by words which call ideas to mind that are foreign to our experience and make them ours, pushing aside our present thoughts, feelings, and sensations.  The power of words is supposed to be that they can make us forget who we are and where we are such that we can transcend reality as it is.

        But more and more I discover that my experience of reading and writing is greatly elevated when I am in a place that has something more to offer me than merely what I “need”.  I don’t know if the quality of what I produce improves, but it certainly feels better to me.  I will sacrifice comfort for ambiance because the beauty of a rich environment has a dual function for me: it somehow grounds me in my bodily experience, yet untethers my imagination and sets me free.  While I know that for many this aesthetic experience is not necessary, I think that it adds something an author couldn’t create through pure contemplation.

        For me, writing and reading are best when they are bodily experiences.  The transcendence seems not to be over and out of the body and its present surroundings, but indelibly linked to them.  The transcendence, for me, is not just bodily – it’s sacramental.  The smell of old books and the haze of stained glass windows in the vastness of an old hall do more than make for a pleasant background: they call to my subconscious attention a host of emotions, memories, and influences that seep wordlessly into my imagination, coloring what I see with my mind’s eye, adding depth and richness to my train of thought.  It adds texture to the main voice in my head, which seems like it should succeed best when it drowns all that out, but instead does better when it stands as the tip of an iceberg of sensory experience.  This added texture allows the images to get traction – if they were smooth and clear they would glide right by, merely imparting a fleeting glimpse of a story rather than gripping us utterly and pulling us in, as words are meant to.  As stories are meant to, when you read them, and as I’m finding, when I write them as well.  Underneath the story is, if I’m doing my job right, an unspoken wellspring of unwritten feelings and thoughts and questions and hopes and images.

        Check back next week for part two, where i will explore the reader’s side of the equation.

        Posted in Essays | 0 Comments | Tagged hygge, nature, writing
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